In a stunning post debate news conference, Vice Presidential candidate Mike Pence has promised to outlaw prostate exams. Digital rectal exams (DRE) A doctor or nurse inserts a gloved lubricated finger into the rectum to estimate the size of the prostate and feel for lumps or other abnormalities. According to the Mayo Clinic, approximately 200,000 cases of prostate cancers in men are detected in the U.S. per year or about 1 in 7 men during his lifetime. According to the American Cancer Society, early detection is key to raising survival rates in affected men.
When asked why Governor Pence would want to outlaw the procedure he stated that he had recently undergone the procedure himself and that procedures like that should be outlawed at best, not covered by publicly funded insurance at the least. Governor Pence said “Look, I just had a full physical myself and it was the most romantic experience of my life. First of all naturally, my doctor is a man. The exam itself made my little devil down there all hard. Then when he found my prostate, this stuff came flying out of my penis and sprayed all over the entire room. It was really scary yet somehow pleasurable. It was dripping off of my face.. I didn’t know what it was, so I asked my doctor. He assured me that that was a normal physical response to digital stimulation of the prostate and went on to tell me that I had had an involuntary orgasm. This is sick, disgusting, and unacceptable although it didn’t taste terrible. Worse yet, homosexuality is a sin and apparently my penis is gay”.
When asked to clarify his statement, his entire head turned bright red and he started shouting “Shut up shut up shut up” at the reporters who were in attendance. He also said that he didn’t mean “romantic” and meant to say “traumatic”.
Ann Coulter tweeted her support to the Governor and assured him that the same thing happens to her all of the time.
Mike Pence to Outlaw Prostate Exams. Sights Unnatural Excitement
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